Phép nhiệm mầu 1-2-3
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http://www.parentmagicstore.com/All-Products/1-2-3-Magic-Parenting/1-2-3-Magic-Book-NEW-3rd-Edition
Giả định sai lầm: Trẻ cọn là người lớn thu nhỏ - Trẻ con chỉ là trẻ con.
http://www.nhanvan.vn/index.php?p=detail&sach=484&nhanvan=5d38b28325b4e5911c5750385600c269">http://www.nhanvan.vn/index.php?p=detail&sach=484&nhanvan=5d38b28325b4e5911c5750385600c269
http://www.parentmagicstore.com/All-Products/1-2-3-Magic-Parenting/1-2-3-Magic-Book-NEW-3rd-EditionGiả định sai lầm: Trẻ cọn là người lớn thu nhỏ - Trẻ con chỉ là trẻ con.
Hãy làm cho việc dọn dẹp vui nhộn
When it comes to parenting toddlers, one common problem is that toddlers like to take their toys out, but they are not so keen on putting them away.
The reason is very natural. Clean-up time is just not a whole lot of fun for anyone. At least that's the way your kids (and probably you) have been conditioned.
In my house we've changed this by anchoring a positive feeling to the whole cleanup process. When I say "anchoring a positive feeling" I mean that we have established a ritual that is fun for the kids, so it makes them feel good. Since the fun is connected to clean-up time it literally programs their brains to enjoy clean-up time.
What do we do? We play a particular song and sing along while we put away the toys. The song is "Dreamer" by Supertramp. It's a fun song and we've come up with our spoof version of it at home. Basically we substitute the word "Clean-up" instead of "Dreamer". Really complicated (not!)
"Clean-up ...everybody clean-up... Put Your hands in the air oh oh ..."
The kids probably think that these are the real lyrics. We call it "The clean-up song" at home. When my youngest daughter was just learning to speak she would shout out at the "oh oh" part because she could not sing the rest. And she did it with such enthusiasm and excitement!
One day I'll teach them the real lyrics so they don't get made fun of when they are older. It reminds me of this one "Saturday Night Live" skit where they talk about songs that are commonly sung with the wrong lyrics. "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix was on the list because some people sing "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky". What a laugh!
Anyway back to the point of all this: My kids enjoy the clean-up process because we (parents) are actively involved and we've turned it into a fun activity with an attached feel-good song. That's why it works. There are no fights. I just put on the song and start singing. You can do this with any activity and make it fun.
The reason is very natural. Clean-up time is just not a whole lot of fun for anyone. At least that's the way your kids (and probably you) have been conditioned.
In my house we've changed this by anchoring a positive feeling to the whole cleanup process. When I say "anchoring a positive feeling" I mean that we have established a ritual that is fun for the kids, so it makes them feel good. Since the fun is connected to clean-up time it literally programs their brains to enjoy clean-up time.
What do we do? We play a particular song and sing along while we put away the toys. The song is "Dreamer" by Supertramp. It's a fun song and we've come up with our spoof version of it at home. Basically we substitute the word "Clean-up" instead of "Dreamer". Really complicated (not!)
"Clean-up ...everybody clean-up... Put Your hands in the air oh oh ..."
The kids probably think that these are the real lyrics. We call it "The clean-up song" at home. When my youngest daughter was just learning to speak she would shout out at the "oh oh" part because she could not sing the rest. And she did it with such enthusiasm and excitement!
One day I'll teach them the real lyrics so they don't get made fun of when they are older. It reminds me of this one "Saturday Night Live" skit where they talk about songs that are commonly sung with the wrong lyrics. "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix was on the list because some people sing "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky". What a laugh!
Anyway back to the point of all this: My kids enjoy the clean-up process because we (parents) are actively involved and we've turned it into a fun activity with an attached feel-good song. That's why it works. There are no fights. I just put on the song and start singing. You can do this with any activity and make it fun.
Hãy học cách sử dụng từ "mầu nhiệm" này
The magic word I alluded to in the subject line is the word "because".
If you use the word "because" in the right manner, you can get people to do things with less resistance. This includes children, bosses, spouses, friends, strangers, store clerks, etc.
The way to use the word is to use the following protocol:
1) state your command/request
2) say "because"
3) state any reason.
At this point you might be thinking that I'm crazy, and that this is just too obvious. Believe me when I tell you that it works because I've ready the study that proves it.
The reason that you provide in step 3 does not have to make sense. The word "because" is a funny word that has been proven to affect people. When you hear the word "because", you simply assume that whatever follows it is a valid reason. It is an automatic function of the human brain. Just like you'd automatically pull your hand away from a hot stove top, you are literally programmed to treat "because" as a word that comes before a VALID reason. Therefore you tend to almost outright ignore the reason.
Suppose you have a 8 year old son, Tommy. He hasn't cleaned his room. You can say to him, "Tommy, clean your room because we're going out for dinner later".
What the heck does going out for dinner have to do with cleaning his room? Pretty much nothing. But this tactic works most of the time.
Try it out for yourself. It's fun.
If you use the word "because" in the right manner, you can get people to do things with less resistance. This includes children, bosses, spouses, friends, strangers, store clerks, etc.
The way to use the word is to use the following protocol:
1) state your command/request
2) say "because"
3) state any reason.
At this point you might be thinking that I'm crazy, and that this is just too obvious. Believe me when I tell you that it works because I've ready the study that proves it.
The reason that you provide in step 3 does not have to make sense. The word "because" is a funny word that has been proven to affect people. When you hear the word "because", you simply assume that whatever follows it is a valid reason. It is an automatic function of the human brain. Just like you'd automatically pull your hand away from a hot stove top, you are literally programmed to treat "because" as a word that comes before a VALID reason. Therefore you tend to almost outright ignore the reason.
Suppose you have a 8 year old son, Tommy. He hasn't cleaned his room. You can say to him, "Tommy, clean your room because we're going out for dinner later".
What the heck does going out for dinner have to do with cleaning his room? Pretty much nothing. But this tactic works most of the time.
Try it out for yourself. It's fun.
Cách đe và phạt trẻ
a quick tip on threatening and enforcing punishment with your children.
Lots of people have emailed me asking how to get one child to stop hitting their sibling, to stop throwing food, or any other such punishable offense.
I want this email to be short and sweet, so I'll get right to the point. When you need to threaten punishment, make sure that you pick something that is realistic. If your child is throwing food after you've warned him or her to stop then you need to carry out the punishment. You can't carry it out if you made an unrealistic threat.
For example, you can't say to your child, "Johnny - if you do that ONE more time I'm going to cancel our trip to DisneyLand" ... or even worse "You'll have to stay home from DisneyLand all by yourself". Clearly these are not realistic threats, and depending on the age of your child he or she may actually realize this. But regardless, you don't want to put yourself in a position where your child repeats the offense and calls your bluff.
If you make a threat and do not carry it out then your child learns this pattern. They learn that you are not going to follow through. Then you are in bigger trouble.
So - make your threats realistic and then enforce them when you have to.
The last piece of advice I have for you is to be unemotional about punishment. You don't need to scream at your children when you punish them. You simply need to make them aware, in an unemotional way, that their behavior led to a certain outcome (punishment). That is your entire goal.
Customers who have purchased my audio course, "Talking To Toddlers" have also learned how to to introduce a punishment such that the child is much less likely to repeat the offense. We accomplish this by making the punishment feel very vivid and real in the child's mind. We do this in a very caring and compassionate way and it WORKS.
Lots of people have emailed me asking how to get one child to stop hitting their sibling, to stop throwing food, or any other such punishable offense.
I want this email to be short and sweet, so I'll get right to the point. When you need to threaten punishment, make sure that you pick something that is realistic. If your child is throwing food after you've warned him or her to stop then you need to carry out the punishment. You can't carry it out if you made an unrealistic threat.
For example, you can't say to your child, "Johnny - if you do that ONE more time I'm going to cancel our trip to DisneyLand" ... or even worse "You'll have to stay home from DisneyLand all by yourself". Clearly these are not realistic threats, and depending on the age of your child he or she may actually realize this. But regardless, you don't want to put yourself in a position where your child repeats the offense and calls your bluff.
If you make a threat and do not carry it out then your child learns this pattern. They learn that you are not going to follow through. Then you are in bigger trouble.
So - make your threats realistic and then enforce them when you have to.
The last piece of advice I have for you is to be unemotional about punishment. You don't need to scream at your children when you punish them. You simply need to make them aware, in an unemotional way, that their behavior led to a certain outcome (punishment). That is your entire goal.
Customers who have purchased my audio course, "Talking To Toddlers" have also learned how to to introduce a punishment such that the child is much less likely to repeat the offense. We accomplish this by making the punishment feel very vivid and real in the child's mind. We do this in a very caring and compassionate way and it WORKS.
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