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Hãy làm cho việc dọn dẹp vui nhộn

When it comes to parenting toddlers, one common problem is that toddlers like to take their toys out, but they are not so keen on putting them away.

The reason is very natural. Clean-up time is just not a whole lot of fun for anyone. At least that's the way your kids (and probably you) have been conditioned.

In my house we've changed this by anchoring a positive feeling to the whole cleanup process. When I say "anchoring a positive feeling" I mean that we have established a ritual that is fun for the kids, so it makes them feel good. Since the fun is connected to clean-up time it literally programs their brains to enjoy clean-up time.

What do we do? We play a particular song and sing along while we put away the toys. The song is "Dreamer" by Supertramp. It's a fun song and we've come up with our spoof version of it at home. Basically we substitute the word "Clean-up" instead of "Dreamer". Really complicated (not!)

"Clean-up ...everybody clean-up... Put Your hands in the air oh oh ..."

The kids probably think that these are the real lyrics. We call it "The clean-up song" at home. When my youngest daughter was just learning to speak she would shout out at the "oh oh" part because she could not sing the rest. And she did it with such enthusiasm and excitement!

One day I'll teach them the real lyrics so they don't get made fun of when they are older. It reminds me of this one "Saturday Night Live" skit where they talk about songs that are commonly sung with the wrong lyrics. "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix was on the list because some people sing "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky". What a laugh!

Anyway back to the point of all this: My kids enjoy the clean-up process because we (parents) are actively involved and we've turned it into a fun activity with an attached feel-good song. That's why it works. There are no fights. I just put on the song and start singing. You can do this with any activity and make it fun.

Hãy học cách sử dụng từ "mầu nhiệm" này

The magic word I alluded to in the subject line is the word "because".

If you use the word "because" in the right manner, you can get people to do things with less resistance. This includes children, bosses, spouses, friends, strangers, store clerks, etc.

The way to use the word is to use the following protocol:

1) state your command/request
2) say "because"
3) state any reason.

At this point you might be thinking that I'm crazy, and that this is just too obvious. Believe me when I tell you that it works because I've ready the study that proves it.

The reason that you provide in step 3 does not have to make sense. The word "because" is a funny word that has been proven to affect people. When you hear the word "because", you simply assume that whatever follows it is a valid reason. It is an automatic function of the human brain. Just like you'd automatically pull your hand away from a hot stove top, you are literally programmed to treat "because" as a word that comes before a VALID reason. Therefore you tend to almost outright ignore the reason.

Suppose you have a 8 year old son, Tommy. He hasn't cleaned his room. You can say to him, "Tommy, clean your room because we're going out for dinner later".

What the heck does going out for dinner have to do with cleaning his room? Pretty much nothing. But this tactic works most of the time.

Try it out for yourself. It's fun.

Cách đe và phạt trẻ

a quick tip on threatening and enforcing punishment with your children.

Lots of people have emailed me asking how to get one child to stop hitting their sibling, to stop throwing food, or any other such punishable offense.

I want this email to be short and sweet, so I'll get right to the point. When you need to threaten punishment, make sure that you pick something that is realistic. If your child is throwing food after you've warned him or her to stop then you need to carry out the punishment. You can't carry it out if you made an unrealistic threat.

For example, you can't say to your child, "Johnny - if you do that ONE more time I'm going to cancel our trip to DisneyLand" ... or even worse "You'll have to stay home from DisneyLand all by yourself". Clearly these are not realistic threats, and depending on the age of your child he or she may actually realize this. But regardless, you don't want to put yourself in a position where your child repeats the offense and calls your bluff.

If you make a threat and do not carry it out then your child learns this pattern. They learn that you are not going to follow through. Then you are in bigger trouble.

So - make your threats realistic and then enforce them when you have to.

The last piece of advice I have for you is to be unemotional about punishment. You don't need to scream at your children when you punish them. You simply need to make them aware, in an unemotional way, that their behavior led to a certain outcome (punishment). That is your entire goal.

Customers who have purchased my audio course, "Talking To Toddlers" have also learned how to to introduce a punishment such that the child is much less likely to repeat the offense. We accomplish this by making the punishment feel very vivid and real in the child's mind. We do this in a very caring and compassionate way and it WORKS.

Nói với con thông qua kể chuyện

Story telling has unbelievable power, and can be used on any toddler, school-age children, or adult. The only age-dependent changes you will make are to adapt your language (naturally) to suit the audience. But let's stick with kids for this example.

Story-telling is an amazing way to create change inside of someone. The "change" that you can cause is really open-ended. Perhaps your child is very excited and you need to calm him down before bedtime. The right story can accomplish this in a heartbeat! Or maybe you signed your child up for swimming lessons and you know he or she is really nervous. Perhaps you want to overcome that nervous feeling inside of your child but you have no idea how to accomplish this.

Story telling can help you guide your child to overcome a fear or anxiety just as easily as it can calm him or her down before sleep. The trick is in what message you deliver within the story. The key to delivering a story to a toddler is to either tell a story that is directly related to the problem they face, or something where their unconscious mind will easily make the connection.

For example if you knew your child is afraid of swimming lessons you might tell a story about a baby frog, or a baby duck who was afraid of the water, but somehow overcame the fear. You would embed as many elements into the story to match your child's internal experience. This would unconsciously create comfort for your child.

These stories are also called "isomorphic metaphors". The secret to a metaphor is to never explain it's meaning. Never never never tell your child what the purpose of the story is. Trust me on this. If there is anything I've learned in the last 15 years with regard to using these communication tools, it is to never explain a metaphor. Not to a child, and not to an adult.

If you have read any guides, articles or books on parenting toddlers, I'm betting that nobody told you how much you can accomplish by telling a story. This is because my methods are NOT based on child psychology. Child psychologists can try to tell you why a child behaves a certain way, or why a child has a certain anxiety or belief. I am a believer of just fixing things, not asking a million "why" questions. Story telling is a great way to fix a problem (fix it, not hide it).

If you are having some sort of problem with your kids (we've ALL been there) ... then what matters more? Knowing "why" the problem exists, or finding a WAY to make it better?

My audio course, Talking to Toddlers, will teach you many more of the things you need in your "bag of tricks" to tell amazing stories to help your children. So you won't just tell a story. You'll understand how to embed commands, how to evoke "peak states" in your child, and how to "anchor" the peak states so you can bring them back to that same state of mind later on.

Biết đối phó với trẻ - Pick your battle wisely

How often does your child say to you, "Mommy, can I have this", or "Daddy, can I do this"? I know around my house it happens all the time. Kids are always asking for things or asking to do things.

The sad truth is that parents can be lazy. Sometimes we will say "no" to our kids because we just don't feel like getting up off our lazy bums. What I want to encourage you to start doing (today) is to pause and listen to what your child is asking you before you say "no". Stop and think about whether or not you are being lazy.

Sometimes we say no because we are being physically lazy. For example we night not want to get off the couch to play. Other times we are being emotionally lazy. What I mean by this is that sometimes you'll say "no" because you haven't put enough thought into how to satisfy your needs and your child's needs at the same time. A little "out of the box thinking" is all that is required to change this.

Of course there will be plenty of times when you need to say "no" and mean it. But what I can tell you with certainty is that you'd like to reduce those times as much as possible because if you say "no" too often, it becomes a pattern, and your kids learn to expect you to say no. Then they stop listening. That is not a good result.

In my audio course I reveal a bunch of examples of how you can think outside of the box, and I teach you a new way to think about any "problem" before you respond negatively to your child. This is NOT about letting your child push you around. It's about avoiding fights when you can solve a problem using creative thinking. It just plain works.

Sức mạnh của việc nhất quán

Did you know that people tend to act in a way that is consistent with their prior actions and public statements? Well, maybe this is not true for politicians, but generally it is true. By getting someone to make an innocent public statement about something, or by taking some small action towards one goal, you can set them up to take bigger action later, and they won't even notice the setup. The rule of consistency is a powerful strategy to influence people, even if it is a bit sneaky.

With toddlers this same rule works very well but it must be applied differently. I teach you how to do this in my audio course. In essence, young kids tend to respond better to physical commitment to something (taking some small action) rather than verbal commitment (agreeing something). Young kids will often reverse on their prior verbal statements.

Have you ever run into this situation? You ask your child what he or she wants to eat for lunch. You get an answer (maybe Peanut Butter on Toast). You make the meal, and then when the meal is ready your child says, "No I don't want that"

I have been there! It is frustrating! Kids are really cute but this sort of behavior can really get on your nerves, can't it?

What I'll show you in my audio course is how to use the rule of consistency in a very specific way to get your child to go along with what they've asked for. It pretty much ends the problem of kids asking for one meal and then later telling you they've changed their minds. It's a beautiful strategy because it lets kids choose things for themselves, but takes away their interest in changing their mind later.

Meals are not the only time when kids change their minds. They can change their mind about what clothes they want to wear, what TV show they want to watch, what toy they want to play with, what activity they want to do, etc. It's nice to have a powerful tool to get your toddlers to stick with their initial decisions. How frustrating is it when your child wants to change his or her mind on what clothes to wear just as you need to usher them into the car to go somewhere? I know - it can be very frustrating!

You can put an end to these problems by learning language tools.

I can't make you buy the audio course that I'm offering. I sure hope you have enough interest in learning to make the right decision, but I can't force you to take the next step. I'm just happy that you took the first few steps by listening to my free audio lesson and reading these email tips that you've been getting from me. But it is up to you to take the next step in learning how to communicate in a much more powerful way.

Bạn có muốn thêm nhận xét của bạn vào câu chuyện không?

Did you know that you can use a simple communication technique to embed commands within your conversations? This is an easy tool to learn, and particularly with young children it is **very** effective.

The name of the tool sounds weird - "Embedded commands". But the truth is that this technique was invented by Dr. MIilton H. Erickson. You probably have never heard of him. He was a genius and he helped a lot of people in his life. He was psychiatrist who specialized in medical hypnosis and family therapy. He pretty much invented the field of indirect hypnosis.

Remember that I use hypnosis and NLP techniques to deal with kids. If my daughter has a hard time sleeping, or an upset stomach I'll absolutely use trance and hypnosis to help her overcome the problem. I do NOT teach hypnosis in the Talking to Toddlers audio course. Instead, I borrow some of the key concepts that you can make use of in everyday interaction with your kids.

Embedded commands is one such example. Simply put, imagine that you want to emphasize something. You can say it loud, you can slow down your words, or you can make a big gesture with your hands. Or maybe you put your hand on someone's shoulder when you are emphasizing something.

Imagine you wanted your child to start to become ready for bed. You could tell a simple story (true or made up) and mark out a portion of your sentence that your child's unconscious mind will hear as a command. The command could be "you are ready for bed".

Milton Erickson used this technique with his secretary, who suffered from migraine headaches. She would get a migraine and he would insist that she type out his dictations (back in the typewriter days). He would dictate utter nonsense to her, but he would slip in suggestions about "the pain is easing", and "start to feel much better". After 10 minutes of dictation she would have no more headache.

I hope this convinces you how powerful of a tool set it is that I can offer you. When you use embedded commands on your kids you can cause them to listen and act according to your commands more often. They won't realize what you are doing, so there is no resistance.

Let me make a final comment about embedded commands. The tool is not some magic wand. You can't just utter some simple words and have people follow your commands. This is not some weird mind control. It's about planting seeds of suggestion in a covert way. If you wanted to plant a tree you would probably plant SEVERAL seeds. It's the same with these tools. You plant several "seeds of suggestion" and you do it in a specific way. I teach you how to do this in my course.

My wife always used to laugh when I told her about the power of these tools. Initially, as a stay at home mom, she used to get very stressed out.

I'd come home around dinner time and she would literally need an hour or two just to unwind after the kids were in bed. She would always hand them off to me when I got home. She figured that the reason they were suddenly so calm and well behaved was because I was not around them all day prior to taking over.

I remember the day when she finally saw the light and decided to learn these tools for herself. The kids were really in a mood and were screaming. I walked in the front door. I immediately entered their world as I described earlier in my emails to you, and then I launched into a series of embedded commands, along with some confusion techniques. Within 2 minutes, I had the kids totally calm, and we were having FUN.

As I was using these communication tools, I was looking over at my wife giving her a look. The look meant, "You know what I'm doing, you should start taking this seriously so you can get the exact same results".

That was the day she saw the light.

So,If you really want to learn how to take control of your out-of-control kids, then you should get serious about it now

Từ nào làm phát sinh cơn ăn vạ của bé

let's talk about the often-faced problem of having to say "no" to your child. In my experience, many tantrums begin simply because a toddler or child goes up to Mom or Dad and says, "I want this" (whatever "this" is). It might be a cookie before dinner, but it can be anything. Toddlers ask us for things, or ask us to do things for them all the time. Sometimes, as parents, we just can't deliver or we aren't willing to deliver.

Usually, I find that the moment you say "no" to your child, the tantrum begins. I want to tell you that there are much better ways to communicate so that you won't cause a tantrum. I teach this to you in detail during the audio course, but let me give you a tip right now.

Here it is: Enter your child's world! We already talked about a few days ago, but here is how you apply it. Instead of saying "no", you simply say, "So you are asking me ....(fill in the blank)".

Whatever your child is asking you for, it is FAR better to repeat their request to them so that they know you heard them and understand them. Then, after you've done that (to build rapport), you can move onto various methods of distraction or logical progression.

Làm thế nào để bé có cảm giác mình được tự chọn

How to enter your child's world and then get them to actually do what you want them to do.

Let's jump right in. Pretend your son, Tommy, is really engrossed in a TV show, but it is now time for supper. Your task is to get him to come to he table without a fight.

As you already learned, you begin by entering his world. You might go sit beside him and ask him a few (interested sounding) questions about the TV show. When you've successfully entered his world then you have completed step 1. Easy enough.

What do you do next? There are so many options that I can teach you, but I'll pick one that is simple. It is known as a "double bind". It works by creating the illusion of choice. Giving toddlers a choice is highly effective, and keeping the choices limited makes it even more effective. You never want to present a whole assortment of options. Just two or three choices at most. But the trick with a double bind is that the "choices" are all variants of the same basic outcome. There really is no choice!

Example: "Tommy, this is a great TV show. I want to finish watching it with you after I clean up from dinner. Do you want to help me put your supper on your plate right now, or would you like to help me pour you a glass of milk instead?"

As you can see, in this example, we've entered Tommy's world, then we've addressed the TV show he is watching. We then told him we want to finish watching it with him later (preparing him for transition to supper time without him knowing it). Then, finally, we presented him with a double bind. The choices were to help put dinner on his own plate, or help pour himself a glass of milk.

Do we really care which he chooses? No, of course not. They both result in Tommy pulling himself away from the TV set and joining you at the table.

Now, what I showed you in this example was very basic. Some parents already use it - but the power is in the setup! This is a fine point that is not well understood.

Nói chuyện với con bạn

1) Hãy luôn nói với con bằng thể khẳng định chứ không phải thể phủ định. Nếu con bạn làm gì mà bạn không muốn, hãy bảo chúng phải làm gì chứ không nên nói "Không làm thế"  (bất kể đó là việc gì).  Do cách xử lý tiếp nhận câu nói của tư duy vô thức, bạn sẽ dễ thành công hơn khi nói theo mẫu câu khẳng định


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